My 2017

On September 10th, my life changed.

In reality, I think it changed a while before that. But I can't pinpoint the exact date where things started to change, so I'll stick with September 10th.

I had a weird year. The first half was wonderful; I participated in a program at my school that allowed me to get class credit to work in an elementary classroom, and I learned a ton and had a blast. Then summer came, and I worked as a nanny again for a wonderful family in my town. In late July there were some personal things that happened to my family that made things scary and hard for a while, but ultimately had a happy ending. I started school in mid-August, and liked my classes just fine.

I'll skip ahead to September now. On September 10th, I was at church with my family, praying a rosary before mass.

Then something shifted.

All of a sudden, I didn't feel good. I can't really explain the feeling. I just felt tired and sickish, and my head felt heavy. I thought it would pass, but it didn't. I spent the rest of the day feeling off, telling myself I just needed a good night's sleep and it would pass.

But it didn't pass.

I'd been having some digestive problems since about mid-August, so I was going to get checked out anyway. I went to the clinic the next day, where I had a low-grade fever and was tentatively diagnosed with possible IBS made worse by stress, and given some suggestions of what to try.

Things didn't get better; they got worse. I thought I had some kind of virus, because my fever didn't go away and I didn't feel better. I kept feeling worse and worse until I couldn't shower without having to lie down for half an hour afterward, and I couldn't eat anything without it causing problems.

I'm going to jump ahead again here, because you really don't want all the details: Over the next month I did a course of antibiotics, and started to feel better. Then suddenly on October 18th, I started to go backwards again. My digestive problems were getting worse, and I was starting to have fatigue again. I missed so many days of school. But there were days I couldn't miss, days when I woke up, got dressed, ate breakfast, threw up, and drove to school.

Here's a picture I took on Halloween:

I was dressed as a character from the TV show Merlin, which my sisters and I had binge-watched over the summer and were all still obsessed with. At the time, I liked this picture. But now, when I look at it, all I can see is how sick I was. I was so thin, and so pale (I was wearing pale powder, but honestly, it practically matched my skin-tone anyway and didn't make that much of a difference). I had barely been able to stand long enough to put on my makeup. I can see the fatigue in my eyes.

Fast forword again: On November 3rd, after months of questioning and trying to get better, I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy and was diagnosed with Crohn's disease.

I don't remember very much of that day, because of the anesthesia from the procedure, but I do remember feeling relief at having a diagnosis, and vaguely wondering what my life was going to be like now. I also remember feeling validated, because someone was finally telling me exactly what was wrong with me -- there was an actual physical cause, and it wasn't just stress or IBS. I was sick, and now I could call it what it was.

For those who don't know, Crohn's disease is a type of Inflammatory Bowel Disease, or IBD. The other major type is Ulcerative Colitis. Crohn's is an autoimmune disease where, essentially, your body attacks your digestive system. It presents differently for everyone; mine presents with ulcers and inflammation in the large intestine. Crohn's doesn't just cause digestive problems, however. Because it's inflammatory, it can also cause debilitating joint pain, mouth ulcers, fevers, and fatigue.

I started taking medications to try and get the inflammation down, but my doctor warned me they could take 2-4 weeks to start working. At the time, I didn't care how long it took -- I just wanted to get better.

The next few weeks were some of the hardest of my life. I was exhausted all the time; so much so that I barely left my couch or bed. I had diarrhea, almost constant nausea, I was anaemic, and I was losing weight so fast because I could barely eat. Even sleeping didn't bring me much relief -- I woke up practically every hour, and I was almost always in pain. The only relief was that the steroid I started taking, Prednisone, quickly got rid of the mouth ulcers and knee pain I was having.

About a week after my diagnosis, I decided to take some time off school. I needed to be resting, so I told my teachers I wouldn't be in for the whole week. I wanted to go, but I just couldn't make it. My mom had been driving me because of how bad my fatigue had become, but I just didn't have the energy to make it through classes anymore. My teachers were all wonderful -- they told me to focus on getting healthy, and that we could figure things out later.

The next week, at the recommendation of my doctor, I was admitted to the hospital. I was dehydrated, severely anaemic, and, as it turned out, the breeding ground of C. Diff, a nasty bacterial infection with the same types of symptoms as Crohn's disease.

I was in the hospital for three nights, where I received fluids, antibiotics, high-dose steroids, iron infusions, got a blood transfusion, and got lots of rest. When I went home, I felt a tiny bit better, but not enough to go back to school. My feelings about going home were strange -- I wanted to be at home, so badly, but I was also scared. In the hospital, I had nurses and doctors right there at the touch of a button. I was scared of going home and going right back to where I was before.

After being home for a few days, I started to feel a little bit stronger. My head felt clearer (thanks to the blood transfusion and iron infusions I'd received), and I wasn't in as much pain (thanks to the antibiotics clearing up the C. Diff).

But then Thanksgiving came. Thanksgiving Day itself was good -- I spent it with my immediate family, and my grandparents. I was able to enjoy the meal, and I didn't feel too bad.

The next morning, I ended up in the ER. I'll spare you the details, but basically what happened was my symptoms went quickly from bad to worse, and I almost passed out multiple times. I was terrified, and almost had a panic attack. I've never come that close to full-on panic before. The morning is a blur -- There was a moment where I was sitting down, said I felt dizzy, and my mom told me to put my head between my knees. I sat there, said "I'm trying," and my mom pushed my head down. I don't remember this moment. I remember Mom telling me about it, but I don't remember it happening.

I was only in the hospital two nights that time, but it was enough to help me start actually feeling better. A bit. Enough that I wasn't as miserable as I had been. Around this time I switched doctors; not because there was anything wrong with my doctor, but because I found one who specialized in Crohn's disease. She recommended that I start a biologic treatment, because the medications I was on weren't doing the job. Another characteristic of Crohn's is that it's different for everyone; a treatment that works for one person may do nothing for another.

I was nervous about starting a biologic, but after discussing it with my parents and lots of prayer, I decided to go for it. On December 8th I received my first infusion of Remicade.

Remicade is a TNF-blocker that works to inhibit the body's immune system and block the inflammation. It is given as an IV infusion every eight weeks, after the first few doses (known as loading doses) which are closer together. Most people start noticing a change after their second infusion. I received my first infusion on a Friday, and I was starting to get better by the following Wednesday.

I may only have been receiving Remicade treatments for a month, but I'm calling it my miracle drug. It gave me my life back. I'm back to school now (I didn't go back after early November), and I'm able to go out and do things again, after months of not feeling good enough to even leave my house except for doctor appointments.

Here's a picture I took on New Year's Eve:

I like this picture much better. Even though I took it after midnight, I look like I have energy. There's some color in my cheeks, and my bones aren't sticking out. I look so much more like myself in this picture, and, more importantly, I look happy. When I was so sick, happiness came and went. Mostly I was happy when I felt okay, and could pretend that I wasn't sick.

From August to now has been an incredibly long, painful journey. I am so thankful to my family, friends, God, and my team of doctors and nurses for getting me to where I am now. It's been exhausting, but I finally feel like myself again. Crohn's disease is something that I will live with for the rest of my life. I'm not in remission, but I'm optimistic that I'll get there. I still have some symptoms, but they're nothing compared to what they were.

Crohn's disease took so much from me.
It took my energy.
It took 35 pounds off my body.
It took my ability to go anywhere by myself because I couldn't drive.
It took countless experiences I should have had and memories I should have made.

But I'm fighting back.
And I'm done letting it take things from me.

NaNo 2017

Hi! It's been an incredibly long time since I posted anything, and for that I apologize. And yes, this is a short post, but I wanted to pop in and share my NaNoWriMo 2017 plan. My story is called Margaret Hale and the Thorntons of Milton, and it is a modernized twist on North and South, by Elizabeth Gaskell (we even share a first name!!). It's actually an idea I had a long time ago, but never put on paper. I have loved the BBC North and South miniseries for years, so I'm excited to put my own spin on the story.

Here's my summary:

Margaret Hale didn't expect her college living situation to turn out like this. When she moved in with Fanny Thornton, she thought she knew what she was getting herself into: Fanny was sweet, if a little ditzy, she kept her house tidy, and she didn't throw massive parties. That was really all Margaret needed in a roommate.

And then John showed up.

Fanny hadn't warned Margaret that her older brother, John Thornton, the successful businessman, might stay with them. For longer than just a short visit. But suddenly he's there, and before Margaret can even blink, he has moved into the spare bedroom. She tries to make the best of it and get along with John, but they disagree about everything. How is she supposed to get along with a guy who disagrees with some of her most fundamental beliefs?

It doesn't help that she misses home -- the town of Milton is just not for her. Sure, she has friends, like Liz Higgins and her father, who works for John. But one thing is for sure: Margaret Hale will never fit in with the Thorntons of Milton, and she's not sure she even wants to.

I am so excited to get started on this story, it's ridiculous. Honestly, it's probably a little ridiculous I'm doing NaNo at all this year, because I'm so busy and I'm editing another book. But I've done NaNo every year since 2011, and there's no way I'm stopping now. Wish me luck!

xo

Liz

Camp NaNoWriMo

Hello, all!

Short post today; I really just want to talk about my plans for Camp NaNoWriMo next month.

I'm so excited! I only decided to do it today, because I've had this story idea swirling around in my head for the last few days, and I finally decided that I'm going to do it. I'm probably crazy, because next month is going to be really busy, but I honestly don't care. I can't wait. Plus, April 1st is a Saturday, so I'll be able to get ahead of the game that day and the next.

I've been really into writing my own fairy tales for a while now, and recently I decided to try my hand at rewriting one of my favorite Disney movies fairy tales: Beauty and the Beast.

Here's my story summary:

For hundreds of years, the kingdom of LaBete lived in peace, ruled by the Lyon royal family. But on one cold, wet night, everything changed.

All her life, Belle has known nothing more than the simplicity her village offers. Her world consists of trips to the market, reading her books, dodging fellow villager Victor, and being with her father. She has always heard stories of the mysterious vanishing of the Lyon royal family, but she has never believed the rumors that a beast now inhabits the old castle. 

One winter, Belle's father doesn't return from a trip. She goes looking for him, and soon discovers that his path leads to the front gates of the old castle, hidden deep in the woods. Inside the castle, she learns the truth of what happened all those years ago to the Lyon prince, and the truth about the rumors of a beast prowling the halls of the castle, waiting for its prey.

In one night, with one decision, Belle's life is changed forever. She can never return to the simple life she had before, whether she wants to or not. She is forced into a new role, and it will take all of her strength to survive on her own in this new world of magic and monsters.


I can't wait to start writing!

--Liz

What I'm Reading (March 2017)

I've been in a reading slump lately, and during January and February I probably started and put down at least ten books. But I think I'm finally out of it, and I'm finally reading again! So here's a list of some different things I've been reading:

Currently reading:

All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr:
I'm only about 70 pages into this book (it's big), but it's very good so far. It tells two different stories from WWII, one of a girl from France, and one of a boy from Germany. It's an interesting book, and I'm excited to see where it goes.


Rereading:

The Nightingale, by Kristin Hannah:
Okay, so I haven't actually started my reread of this yet, but I'm planning to either today or tomorrow. I don't know why I'm going to put myself through it again, considering how much it made me cry the first time, but I love it so much I can't help it.

Recently read:

Shutter Island, by Dennis Lehane:
Wow, this book was a major mind-flip. I kind of knew what was coming, because of spoilers I got a long, long time ago, but I still had trouble following the reveal. It was wild, and not really believable. I wanted to like it a lot more than I actually did.


The Strange Case of Origami Yoda, by Tom Angleberger:
Now here was a book I loved. The book is written as a case file put together by a boy trying to figure out what's really going on with an origami Yoda his classmate carries around. There's a sequel, Darth Paper Strikes Back, which I haven't read yet, but want to. The book is funny and sweet, and I loved reading it.


The Light Between Oceans, by M. L. Stedman:
I don't even know what to say about this book. It was so beautiful, but it was also so incredibly depressing and hard to read. I loved it, but I wanted to throw it across the room a few times. It's not a book I would say I enjoyed, but it was definitely worth the read.



Hopefully it won't be another year before I post one of these again! I'm going to try and write one at least once a month, but we'll see if that plan sticks.

Oh Dear

Oh, dear. I seem to have forgotten about my poor little blog again. But I am going to sit here and write at least two posts, and queue them up to post later. So expect more from me in the near future.

To get caught up: I am getting through another semester, this time working in a kindergarten classroom as part of my classes. It's amazing getting to see kindergarteners every day, and I love it so much. It's an incredibly rewarding job, and it definitely boosts my self-esteem to have that many little people think I'm awesome.

I'm working on various writing projects, including a short story and editing my Camp NaNoWriMo novel from summer 2016. I did NaNoWriMo again in November of 2016, and it was probably my hardest year. I almost quit half-way through because I was struggling with it so much. But I powered through, and I finished again! Probably the most triumphant I've felt about NaNo because of the struggle it was (also the most exhausted I've felt).

I've been in a bit of a reading slump lately, but I think (I hope) I'm finally clawing my way out of. I'm working on a post about what I've been reading, so stay tuned for that.

Also, I started another blog! I know what you're thinking -- "Liz, you can barely keep up with this blog. What are you doing, starting another blog?" And I know, I know. But this other blog, Write Your Love on My Heart, is a project I've wanted to do for a while. So feel free to check that one out.

That's all I have for right now, so I guess I should get to work on queueing up some other posts, huh?

My Life Right Now

It's been a long time since I've blogged... But I'm working on doing things on the internet other than tumblr, which includes keeping up on my blog. I'm going to shoot for at least two blog posts a month, hopefully soon working up to higher numbers than that. I'm going to be doing What I'm Reading posts, book reviews, writing updates, etc. Essentially what I've been posting, just hopefully more frequently.

So for this post, I will try to sum up what I've been doing the last several months since I've posted, and I'll start with what is most definitely the most important update:

I listened to the Hamilton soundtrack.

For anyone not familiar with Hamilton (is there anyone left who isn't familiar with Hamilton???) it's a hip-hop musical written by (the genius) Lin-Manuel Miranda, about none other than Founding Father Alexander Hamilton. Miranda wrote and starred in the musical, and only just recently (July 9th) left the show.

Now, I'm not a hip-hop fan, or a rap fan. Hamilton features those musical genres, but it also includes music that isn't hip-hop/rap. HOWEVER. Even the songs that are hip-hop or rap are absolutely genius. The lyrics are intelligent and funny, and the story deftly intertwines the lives of Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr, the Schuyler sister, George Washington and more.

I can't fully express my love for this musical, and it probably deserves its own post. But for right now, just suffice it to say that I listen to the music almost non-stop (HA) and my sister recently described me in four words: "Obsessive over Founding Fathers."


Another big development: I finished my second year of college, graduating with an AA in Education. I'm transferring to a four year college to finish my Bachelors, and I start really soon. A lot of my friends are going to the same school, so I'm excited about that. When I first graduated from high school and started college, I didn't know anyone at my school, so that's one huge difference.

Another difference between my first and third years of college include the fact that now, I've actually experienced college and know what to expect. I know how to juggle my homework schedule, and I'm less scared I'll forget to go to class. Of course, now with my first online classes, there's always the chance I'll forget about those...


I spent a big chunk of my summer in someone else's home... I got a job as a nanny. The kids were adorable and smart, and boy were they FUNNY. I had so much fun hanging out with those kids all summer, driving them around, playing games (who knew there were so many different types of tag???) and cooking them lunch most days. It was exhausting, but so much fun.


One last fun adventure:

A few weeks ago, I drove a couple hours with my friend Mary to see another friend of ours, Charlie. We spent the day walking around downtown, eating fun food, and talking. Then, as we were driving back to Charlie's house to drop him off and hit the road for home, we got a flat tire. By some strange coincidence (Thank you, Jesus) my parents had also driven two hours to the city that day, and I was able to call them to come help us. We got on the road about 90 minutes later than we'd intended, and we had to drive slowly on the spare tire to get home, but we made it safe and sound, and the day was still a blast.


Those are the major events that have been happening in my life lately, aside from the lives I've been living in the books I'm reading. I'll update you all on those lives here pretty soon. ;)

What I'm Reading (March 2016)

Before my last post, it had been a long time since I blogged, so I figured I would write up a post about what I'm currently reading. I always have more than one book going at once.

Current Reads:

Right now, I'm reading Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, for the first time. I really can't say too much about the book, since I'm only about fifty pages in, but it's good so far. There are definitely some laugh-out-loud moments. It's hard to explain the plot, but I'll say this: Holden is a pretty screwed up kid. He needs help.

Another book I'm reading is 'Salem's Lot, by Stephen King. Now, I don't usually read horror. I like my sleep too much. But there's something about Stephen King I keep going back to. I'm about two hundred pages into this vampire novel, I like it so far. I'm curious to see exactly what goes down in the little town of Jerusalem's Lot.

At night, I'm rereading (for about the thousandth time) To Kill a Mockingbird. I started my reread on the day Harper Lee died. I read this book for the first time when I was around 13-14, and I absolutely loved it. It was assigned reading, and Mom told me to start with the first couple of chapters. I devoured the whole thing in two days. I think I love it more every time I reread it.

For school, I'm reading The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini. Oh, my word, this book deserves its own post. Though I'm reading it for school, it is a book I've been wanting to read for a long time. It's a beautifully written book about a boy, Amir, growing up in Afghanistan, and the things that shape him. The writing is so accessible, and it's not difficult to understand at all. But that doesn't mean it's an easy read. The pivotal point in the book, the event that changes Amir's life forever, comes in chapter 7, and it's positively horrific. I felt like I physically could not read the actual scene. But after putting the book down for a few days and giving myself time to process, I came back to it and found myself getting sucked back in again. I can't wholeheartedly recommend it, because of how horrifying it is, but it's truly an amazing read.

The final book I'm currently reading is The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. This book is funny and quirky, and the first chapter had me laughing out loud. The book is about a woman named Precious, who opens a detective agency in Africa. I started reading it because I needed something not depressing to read. I'm not too far into it, but it's adorable.


Recently Read:


Recently I read Ruta Sepetys' new book, Salt to the Sea. I think I read this book in about six hours. It was amazing. I'm formulating a review in my head, so stay tuned for that. For now, I'll just say this: Ruta Sepetys writes historical fiction (especially WWII) better than so many other writers now. She has the power to make me weep for characters I've only been with for six hours.


I also recently read Wuthering Heights, which was an absolute delight. I love a good gothic novel. I tried to read it once before, but never finished it for some reason. I laughed out loud at it sometimes, because the idea that anyone could find Heathcliff (or Cathy, for that matter) even remotely appealing was ridiculous. I once took a quiz along the lines of "Who is Your Classic Novel Boyfriend?" and I was horrified when I got Heathcliff. But I didn't know how the novel ended, so reading it was great because everything was a surprise.


To Be Read:


Currently on my TBR pile is Pure, by Julianna Baggott, and All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr. I may be changing this around to get some happier books in there. We'll just have to see.